By Kathryn Mattingly
My husband and I married young and began having our
four children shortly thereafter. It was a glorious time as
we nurtured, mentored and guided each of them into
adulthood. Then one day they were raised and gone.
Trying to Fill The Void
To fill the void in our hearts we moved to the city with our careers and soon grew apart as we became immersed in separate interests. This was compounded by an unexpected financial disaster. The pain of our distant emotional state and disastrous economic situation overwhelmed both of us.
Our once happy loving home full of children and activities was behind us, in another time and place. What loomed before us was a new stressful environment where words were often spoken in anger and full of accusations.
My personal solution was to pack up and leave. My husband asked why I had accepted a new job in another state. I answered that we needed more income, to help alleviate our financial situation. He said that I was leaving him, and I denied it. But I was leaving. I just didn’t have the words to admit it to him or to myself. Regardless of wanting a new beginning, every single day I read my bible, especially this verse: Matthew 19:26 Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.”
Every day I also prayed that God would help me fall back in love with my husband. This was my prayer: Lord, I pray that you would open my heart and show me again what special traits this man has to complement mine. Soften my hard edges, Father, that I might bring out in him those desirable attributes he willing displayed when our love was new.
Pray When Your Heart Feels Empty
I did not believe that God could do this. It would, after all, take a miracle. Miracles are for parting the red sea, not for rekindling lost love. I wasn’t sure I even wanted God to work this miracle, but it seemed like the right prayer for me to pray as a Christian.
I was unimpressed with my ability to be the empowered woman, having a managerial position and a nice home in a new community. I became more lonely and miserable each day, rather than enjoying my independence. God’s miracle was happening. My heart was changing.
Every evening my husband would call and we’d try to communicate civilly, but then we’d begin blaming one another for past mistakes that had led to our current reality. One night I told him to quit calling. If he wanted to communicate with me he could email. And he did. He sent long, articulate emails filled with the love I hadn’t heard on the phone. God was unfolding His miracle one step at a time.
After a few months he called me one day at work and caught me off guard. It was good to hear his voice. I asked what he was doing and he said, “I am cleaning out my desk.” I asked where he would look for a new job and he answered that he didn’t know. Without a second thought, as if God Himself had put the words in my mouth, I said, “Why don’t you move in with me?”
He moved in that very week and was once again the interesting, warm-hearted, fun-loving man I had become smitten with all those years ago. We were like newlyweds. Together we rebuilt our finances and careers.
Would this miracle have happened if I hadn’t read my bible and prayed every day for God to rekindle my love? Probably not, which reminds me of the saying: Our thoughts become our words, our words become our actions, and our actions become our reality.
Anything is possible, but first we must believe it.