By Judith Albright
For a time life can go along with ease … then it doesn’t. One day you
realize something is different. Your daily life feels emptier. You lack
incentive in the morning and are less eager to begin your day. Life has lost
meaning and work is without joy. The sense of accomplishment and
satisfaction which has sustained you is gone. You may feel disinterested,
unchallenged or unappreciated and this has begun to effect your attitude.
Motivation is on a downhill spiral. You drift from day to day without a clear
idea of what you want or where you are going. What has happened?
We all face such times in our lives. Such periods of stagnation have been labeled by some as midlife crisis, burn out, or ‘being stuck.” Whatever it’s called, we don’t like where life is headed. Still we persist in doing the same old things and long for something different.
Even when your life becomes miserable, you are reluctant to take steps toward change. No matter how uncomfortable or unpleasant, you resist change because life has become what is familiar or known. The unknown is scarier because it requires you move from your comfort zone and take a risk. What if you make a mistake and things get worse? Maybe it’s best just to stay where you are.
While this is an over simplification, there are three basic reasons why we reach a point of being unable to move forward. These are:
• Lack of vision
• Ingrained negative beliefs
Lack of vision
We are quick to identify what we don’t want, but find it harder to pinpoint what we do. When asked how they would like their life to change, nine out of ten people are
likely to give vague answers such as, “I want more money,” “ I want a different job,” “I want to live somewhere else,” or “I just want to be happy.” While these are all worthwhile objectives, they are not specific enough. How much money? What kind of career or job? Where do you want to live? What will make you happy? If you are unable to provide the answers to these questions, how can anything change? It’s like buying an airline ticket … if you are unable to determine your destination you aren’t going to get there.
Ingrained Negative Beliefs
How we view ourselves and what we think about colors our entire life. What kind of negative self talk goes on in your head? What is your opinion of yourself? Do you
constantly put yourself down and beat yourself up for your shortcomings? What was your family’s opinion of you? What did you hear repeatedly? If you learned as a
child to think of yourself as a loser, as undeserving or worthless, your adult life reflects that.
Although our conscious mind can help to cheer us, generate ideas, create plans, set goals, work on our attitude and keep us motivated, real change has to occur at the subconscious level. We’ve heard, “Change your mind, change your life.” There would be fewer problems to overcome if it were so simple. There is much more to it. As Albert Einstein said, “We can’t solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them.”
Unless you are able to hold a thought for 21 days (the length of time it takes to form a habit or break one) you’ll need outside assistance to create deep changes. A PSYCHK or EFT practitioner are both trained to identify and reverse negative thought patterns and beliefs. Both these modalities work at the subconscious level to resolve the conflict between conscious goals and subconscious beliefs which can prevent you from reaching them on your own.
What do we fear? We may be afraid we are a fraud and someone is going to find out. We may be afraid of criticism or of someone’s judgment. At the subconscious level, we may fear it is unsafe for us to do, be or have something. Whatever it is, fear is the natural response to anything we perceive as a threat or dangerous. We’ve learned to protect ourselves through avoidance of what we fear and create a laundry list of excuses to justify our behavior. In other words, if we don’t try, we can’t fail and nothing bad will happen. The reinforced belief is fear is there to preserve and protect us. The reality is it prevents us from learning and growing. While we can fear just about anything, two of the fears that hold us in place are:
• Fear of failure
• Fear of success
Fear of failure affects our self esteem, undermines our confidence and erodes our self respect. It affects us in countless ways. We don’t go back to school, find a new job,
or compete for a scholarship or award. We are so afraid to make a mistake or look like a fool, we end up mentally paralyzed and incapable of taking action.
The irony in fear of failure is often the underlying cause of fear of success. Although they appear to be related, there is a definite difference. Fear of failure is a fear of making mistakes and becoming diminished in the eyes of others. Fear of success is more about a sense of unworthiness or not being good enough. It is also a fear that life will change in unacceptable or unwanted ways … we could lose ourselves, become slaves to whatever has brought us success or time will no longer be our own. We fear if success is attained, it cannot be sustained and will eventually be lost.
Regardless of negative beliefs or lack of vision, we must be willing to work and overcome them or we will remain rooted where we are. Even tools like EFT and PSYCH-K can’t be of assistance if we won’t allow ourselves to take advantage of them.
What might be holding you back? Maybe you believe you have few choices or options — life is what it is and it’s never going to be any different. In reality, there are always
choices, no matter how small or insignificant they may be.
In a single day we make dozens of choices, even if they only involve little things such as what to wear or what to eat. However, once you become more receptive and realize that you do have choices, you may be surprised how many there are. Isn’t it time to start making them?